Let's Normalize the 5-Minute Phone Call

I see my local friends, although not as much as I’d like. I get together with family. I text with friends from all over. I even write and send birthday cards. But, despite my phone being with me 24/7, the joy of a voice-to-voice call with a friend has become a rarity.

My parents might tell you that talking on the phone was my primary “extra-curricular” activity in high school—they begrudgingly got me my own phone line so I wouldn’t tie up theirs. Back then, it was ok to call a friend who wasn’t expecting to hear from you. Concern about interrupting an outing or activity was low since phones only rang and worked at home. With less at our fingertips every moment of the day, life had a more routine cadence that lent itself to aligned availability to talk on the phone.

I appreciate the many ways I can now connect with people– email, video chat, text, social media –but I’m not hanging up on phone calls with friends any time soon. Instead, I’d like to advocate for updated phone etiquette that aligns to today’s world and realities.

This starts with normalizing the 5-minute phone call: a brief time investment you and a friend make at the same time that connects you more deeply, makes a more lasting impact than a text exchange, brings you a moment of excitement of an actual phone call from a human being you want to talk to (i.e. not robocalls selling car warranties on cars you may or may not still own), and leaves you with the high that reminds you why this person is your friend in the first place.

Embracing the 5-minute phone call requires a few mindset and expectation shifts:

Milestones vs. Day-to-day life

Yes, we probably have 8 months—maybe even 2 years—to catch up on. However, if we try to carve all the time that has lapsed, we may never talk again. So, let’s just accept that our “ice-breaker” phone call is probably going to be a brief chat while you are washing dishes on the east coast and I’m walking to pick up kids at school in California and even though we are overdue to talk about some major milestone events we are going to talk about a seemingly far less significant event in our current moment and that’s ok. In fact, it’s great. It means every phone call after this no longer has the pressure of being an epic, sweeping dialogue recounting the past few months, or even years. Plus, given our geographic distance, this helps me feel connected to your everyday life. Truth be told, I probably know about all the big milestones through Instagram anyway.

Air-time, it all evens out in the end

It is easy to hang up from a 5-minute phone call and feel like you either did all the talking or didn’t get a word in edgewise. Before you let yourself feel guilty or slighted, accept that the balance will be tipped differently in subsequent calls. Instead, celebrate the high you feel from connecting in real-time with a friend, because in this day and age that is no small feat.

Permission to call, permission to pick up

How many times have you not called because you don’t want to bother someone? Or not picked up because you don’t have time to get involved in a long conversation? With a common understanding that a 5-minute conversation is a win, a sign of a strong friendship rooted in each others’ reality, calling is hardly disruptive and picking up is less of a commitment which will make you do it more often.

Turn that texting session into a phone call

There are certainly situations where talking on the phone would be disruptive to those around us and texting is the best option. However, if you find yourself texting with a friend in a conversation-friendly setting, consider picking up the phone and chatting instead. You’ll cover so much more ground together and, bonus, you’ll give yourself a screen break. Just do it with the understanding that the conversation will be brief and whoever ends it isn’t being rude.

So, next time you have 5-minutes during reasonable waking hours (in some time zone where you have friends) and the capacity to hold a conversation, instead of holding out for that 20- or 60- minute conversation that might not happen until you’re retired and empty nested, pick up the phone and discover the joy, connection, and nuggets of wisdom you will give and receive during a 5-minute chat with a friend.

Who are you going to call?

Call me, maybe? But just for 5-minutes.

Who is on your 5-minute phone call wish list? Share this blog post with them and carve out your next 5-minute phone session.